umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
