you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
