I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
