whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
