He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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