So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
should my penis look like a turkey
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
