My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
