I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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