my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
