he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't put those talents on a resume
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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