He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My life is pants optional.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
