Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
