So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
