I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
