So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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