Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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