The maid of honor just puked.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
