Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
