If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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