people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
