Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
