Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
