If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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