uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
