so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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