Will you blow on my dice?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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