hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
