Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
