There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
