yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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