I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
