the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
