I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
