I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
