I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
