thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
