it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
