I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
