I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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