When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
