It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Shame - the story of my life.
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