Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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