yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
