i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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