You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
