As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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