Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
