she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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