Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
