You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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