new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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