Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
