i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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